Tuesday, October 10, 2017

New Season

Ah.

New season. Old things dying off, new things coming in cool freshness. I think that God sends relief right when we think we can't do it anymore. Right when we realize we can't do it by ourselves.

Meet my relief. Gus. I bought him about a week ago, he's a 2 month year old Golden Retriever. Got him with the ultimate goal of gaining a new friend and training him to be an emotional support dog for me. He's already helped me more than words can describe.

Didn't think that feeling happy was so close to despair. Didn't think that feeling right for the first time in so long was so near to the place I was. Didn't think I could fall in love so fast.

If you're anything like me and have this issue, when you're struggling with depression, you don't see any way out. You don't think that it would even feel right to be better. Because when you're in that it feels numb. It feels good almost in a weird sort of way to hurt like that.

I think that happiness is a really bad way to determine whether your depression is gone. Because when you struggle with depression, you still feel happiness. That's something I struggled with a lot. Feeling happy and then thinking, "ok, I must be better now" then getting let down whenever I had a bad day. But this is different.

I might just be rambling here, but breaking free from that bondage is one of the best feelings in the world. Even if it's just a season, don't take those moments for granted. Depression can feel comfortable and numb, but I'm telling you. Seriously. This is good. Right now, with Gus sleeping at my feet as I write this, I'm telling you I'm truly content for the first time in my life.

I pray if you're struggling, you'll find your relief. I know it's there. Trust me I've been looking for such a long time and I've doubted it even existed. But man. It's good to be here.

I wouldn't trade those dark nights and tears for anything. I feel strong right now. You feel that guys? We're strong because of our struggles. I know it looks different for everyone, but whatever it is you're dealing with right now, just know that it won't last forever. I know that sounds like a cat poster, but it's true. (Lego Movie??? Anyone??) Seriously. Relief comes if you wait long enough and it sucks but the result feels better than anything in the world.

Keep fighting guys.

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